New Year, New Me…or Old Me?….

I turn 30 in a few weeks, and somehow… I still feel like a child.

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So yeah, this is my first post of the year.

I deliberately took a one-week break from posting, partly because I wanted to ease into the new year properly, and partly because the first week of the year was very, very busy for me. But if I’m being honest, another big reason I didn’t post sooner is because I couldn’t decide what I wanted my first post to be about.

I didn’t want to start the year trauma dumping…..haha! Of course, not because there’s anything wrong with it…..I mean If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you already know this space is an outlet for me. I say what’s on my mind. I write how I feel. That’s always been the point.

But I also didn’t want to start the year with some “new year, new me” motivational speech, because that would just be me pretending. And I don’t like to pretend.

So I was stuck.

Until I remembered something very important:
It’s my birthday in a few weeks.
January is my birth month.
And this is my blog.

Free will activated.

So yes, my first post of the year is about me. Narcissistic? Maybe. Self-aware? Absolutely. And honestly, January is going to be very Beks-centric so If reading about me isn’t your thing, you might want to log off now. Fair warning. 😂

Now guys, just so you know….I don’t joke with my birthdays. At all.

I’m not the “it’s just another day” type. My birthday is a big deal to me. In fact, my entire birth month is a big deal. And one thing I genuinely love about myself is that I don’t wait for anyone to celebrate me, hype me, remind me, or make me feel special.

I do it myself.

Once it’s around late December, I start counting down. No matter what phase of life I’m in, no matter what life is doing to me at the time…..when January comes, I pause everything and celebrate myself.

Because that’s what birthdays mean to me.

They’re not about perfection or having everything figured out. They’re about acknowledging your time here. Your journey. Your wins and your losses. They’re about recognizing that regardless of how life is going, you’re still here and that alone is worth celebrating.

And this year is even more special, because I’m clocking a landmark age.

I’m turning 30.

Of course I’m excited! it’s my birthday (yes, I will keep saying it). On the other hand though, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t also anxious because thirty just sounds grown…..three decades alive, like It just feels serious. Especially for someone who still feels like a baby.🥹

For most of my life, I’ve always been the youngest — in class, at work, everywhere. I’ve always seen myself as young. And I think having a very childlike spirit has also played a big role in that. I find joy easily. I like fun. I’m playful. I’m optimistic.

So turning 30 feels like a little wake-up call.

Like… wait. Am I old now? 😭

I never felt this way throughout my twenties, not even at 29. But 30? Suddenly I’m feeling like I’m supposed to be serious. Mature. Proper. Like there’s no more room to be childish or playful or soft.

And honestly, I’m trying to push that narrative away.

Because no matter how old I get, I want to keep that childlike spirit….the one that finds joy in small things, that makes fun out of any situation, that stays hopeful even when life is hard. I think society has a very rigid idea of what being in your 30s should look like, and maybe I’ve allowed that to get into my head a little.

So yeah… maybe I’m overthinking it. Probably.

But at the end of the day, all I really want to say is this….
My birthday is in a few weeks, and I’m genuinely excited 💃🏻💃🏻😂

I don’t have solid plans yet. I don’t know exactly what I’ll do. But I’m proud of myself. I’m proud of 30 years on earth. I’m proud of my journey….. the good decisions, the bad ones, the lessons, the growth, the courage it has taken to become who I am today.

There are so many things I never imagined myself doing that I’m doing now. And that takes strength. It takes perseverance. It takes showing up for yourself over and over again.

So yes , again 😂 January is going to be about celebrating me and this post is basically an introduction to that.

Stick around for Beks at 30.

In my next post, I’ll be sharing 30 random facts about me and I might just be spilling some tea, so yeah make sure sure you stick to hear some 😉.

And don’t worry guys, this self-focused era is only for January. If it’s not your thing, feel free to check back in February.

Who am I kidding? this whole blog is already about me lmaoooo 😂

Anyway guys I’ll stop there for now….

Happy new year.
And Happy almost birthday to me 🤍

With Love,

Beks 💜