A few years ago, I had quite a nasty experience that a lot of women would sadly find familiar. I was leaving work and heading to the park where I usually boarded a public cab home. On my way there, this guy started catcalling me, you know how they do….loud, aggressive, and disrespectful. I ignored him because sometimes the safest thing to do is to not respond at all, but as I walked past him, the next thing I felt was a slap on my bum.
Yes, you read that right. This man slapped my bum in public.
I turned around in shock and anger, ready to react, but then I saw that he wasn’t alone, he had friends who were watching and laughing and the more I spoke, the more he mocked me.
From just reading this you’d probably assume this happened in a secluded area with not much people around, but yeah, nope! There was at least thirty people all around us, and they all stood — watching, not one person said a word, not one person intervened. Everyone just stared like it was a movie and the crazy part? they were staring at me…..mind you I wasn’t dressed “inappropriately” or anything, I was just guilty of being a girl.
I was so embarrassed. I felt violated, disgusted, and helpless. I started crying right there, in public. I couldn’t even take public transport home that day, I booked a ride and cried all the way home. It’s still one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.
But you know, what hurt me the most wasn’t just what he did — it was the silence. The silence of everyone around. The silence of the people who saw it happen and looked away, the silence that empowered these men to keep violating people, to violate me.
In their minds, they probably thought they were just minding their business….but I strongly disagree, and I say that as someone who would probably win multiple awards if there were ever an annual Oscars for “Best in Minding Their Business.” I’ve mastered it so well that it’s almost a problem. I mind my business to the point where even checking in on friends sometimes feels like prying.
Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean I don’t care about my friends or that I’m not there when they need me, I am. If you ask for help, I’ll show up and give it my all. But when it comes to poking into people’s lives or trying to know what’s going on with them, I just don’t. I stay in my lane, I focus on my thing, and I mind my actual business.
Now you see, when it comes to issues that involve child endangerment, abuse, or injustice, the story changes completely. When I or someone else is being mistreated, I unmind my business to the max, like I completely remove the ‘mind my business cloak’ and throw it into the dustbin, as it is, in fact, my business.
Silence is never my response to abuse, and whether or not it’s going to make a difference, I’m always loud, I speak, I act and that was exactly what I did when this nonentity violated me. I made so much noise about it that the next day, my then partner drove me to the police station to make a report and have the guy arrested.
He was properly manhandled at the police station and even though I was convinced not to press charges, I still felt proud of myself for not staying silent. Not long after I made the report, I noticed a police patrol car was stationed at the park and even though I’m not sure that was because of my incident, it still made me feel good and made me feel safe anytime I had to walk past that area.
Most importantly though, it reaffirmed my stance on how silence enables evil. I realized how many people suffer in public, surrounded by others who say and do nothing.
This is the sad reality of our society today, everyone is so focused on “minding their business” that we’ve forgotten that silence, too, can be violent.
Society has made it a norm to stay silent — to always look away when something wrong is happening — under the guise of “minding our business,” or because we’re not the ones directly affected.
But what people need to understand is that silence is approval.
Silence enables perpetrators.
Silence gives them the confidence to continue because they know no one will challenge them.
And when I say silence, I don’t just mean not posting about it online. I mean literal silence — seeing something wrong and pretending not to see. Hearing something wrong and pretending not to hear. Being a witness to injustice and choosing not to act.
Every time you are presented with the opportunity to witness someone commit evil, it is not a coincidence — it’s a sign.
A sign that you are meant to speak.
A sign that you are meant to act.
A sign that you are meant to be part of the change that needs to happen.
And when you stay silent, you interrupt the process of change.
I know, many people stay quiet because they think their voice won’t matter, but that’s not true. Change doesn’t happen through one big act. It happens through many small voices. One drop at a time, which flows together to form an ocean and bring a wave of change.
So no, silence is not maturity. Silence is not “minding your business.” Silence is not humility. Silence is complicity.
In the past week alone, I’ve seen no fewer than five stories of abuse involving children — especially young girls. And if you randomly pick four women, at least two of them will have a story of harassment, assault, or abuse. This is how common it has become. This is how our silence has failed us.
I’m not writing this because I believe one blog post will magically change the world. I’m writing this because I know that even one person choosing to stop being silent can start a ripple of change. If one person speaks up, reports, defends, or acts — that’s a victory already.
So today, I urge you to stop being silent.
Stop “minding your business.”
And instead, be part of the change you wish to see.
Be part of the process — and you can start by signing the petition to get justice for Ochanya.
Thank you.
With love,
Beks💜
Beks Unfiltered 
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