So, guys, Fara is at that stage where I’m trying to get her to self-feed and fully transition into eating more of solids instead of milk and cereal. And to do that, I’ve had to reduce how often I feed her myself and encourage her to use her hands, explore her food, and try things on her own.
So, here’s our routine……..I serve her food, put her in her high chair, place the bowl in front of her, and let her do her thing. And every single time, and I mean every time….she eats about two spoons, three if she’s feeling generous… and then proceeds to dump the rest of the food on the floor.
Sometimes she flips the plate over.
Sometimes she picks up the food one by one and drops it to the floor like a mission.
And sometimes she just looks me dead in the eye and disposes of the meal like she’s filing paperwork.
And because I’m someone who talks to my child a lot, you know….I’ve been talking to Fara from the day she was born, so I’m always there saying,
“No, don’t do that.”
“Food is for eating, not for throwing.”
“Put it in your mouth, not on the floor.”
I’m there giving full TED talks with love and patience.
But guess what?
The next day, she does it again.
And the day after that.
And the day after that.
And you know the funny thing?
It doesn’t annoy me.
I don’t get upset.
Is it stressful? Yes! But honestly, I just clean the mess, breathe through the stress, and move on.
Why?
Because I understand that she doesn’t understand.
She’s just not there yet….developmentally, mentally, experientially.
Her understanding of eating right now literally includes throwing food on the floor. That’s where she is.
And today, while cleaning up yet another pile of rice, I was thinking about the whole thing and it contextualized something I’ve been struggling with.
This whole year, I’ve been in so many situations where I needed to explain myself, my decisions, my perspective, my experiences. I’ve had to defend myself, clarify myself, justify myself. And in so many of those situations, the people I was talking to simply did not understand me.
I would talk.
I would explain.
I would pour out context and feelings and facts…
And their response would show they didn’t get it at all.
And every time, it annoyed me.
It frustrated me deeply.
It made me feel invisible.
It made me feel like my truth was being dismissed.
Over time, It started to make me feel like maybe I was the problem.
But watching Fara today….doing the same thing she always does….something sort of clicked.
Some people are simply not at the stage where they can understand you.
Not because they’re stubborn.
Not because they’re wicked.
Not because they’re intentionally refusing to see your point.
But because they do not have the capacity to understand what you’re explaining.
They don’t have the mental framework, the experience, the emotional maturity, the worldview, or the lived reality needed to understand you.
Just like no matter how much English I speak, Fara will still throw her food….because that’s where she is right now.
Eventually she’ll grow.
Eventually she’ll get it.
Eventually she’ll understand the “why,” the “how,” the “don’t do this,” the “this is for eating.”
But right now?
She does not have the capacity to understand any of that.
And I don’t get angry at her for it.
So why do I get angry when adults do the same?
This little moment with my baby gave me an entirely new perspective. It made me realize that sometimes, no matter how well you explain yourself, people won’t get it and it has nothing to do with you.
Some people will understand you without you having to explain a single word. And some people won’t understand you even if you write them a 100-page essay.
It’s not always personal.
It’s not always an attack.
Sometimes, they are just not at the stage where your experience can make sense to them.
And honestly?
That realization has softened something in me.
It has changed how I respond to misunderstanding.
It has helped me release the idea that people owe me understanding.
And it has helped me stop seeing someone’s lack of understanding as a negation of my truth.
For some people, they genuinely cannot understand.
Not now.
Maybe not ever.
And that’s okay.
I don’t know if I’m making sense, but this is where my head is today.
And I wanted to share it.
Thank you for reading.
With love,
Beks 💜
Beks Unfiltered 